Lord of the Songs:The Fellowship and All That Jazz
by The End is Here
Summary: One Song to rule them all, One Song to find them. One Song to bring them all, and in the Darkness bind them. In the Land of Mordor where the Music lies.


** Prologue**

_Three for the Elves under the sky_

_Seven for the Dwarves in their halls of stone_

_Nine for Mortal Men Doomed To Die_

_One for the Dance Lord on his Dark Throne_

_In the __Land__ of __Mordor__ where the Music lies.___

_One Song to rule them all, One Song to find them.___

_One Song to bring them all, and in the Darkness bind them.___

_In the __Land__ of __Mordor__ where the Music lies.___

Many years ago, before the invention of the Mp3 player, Sauron, a Dark Lord of Middle Earth, decided to make up a bunch of records.

Three went to the Elves, who liked to stay up late, party and get wasted.

Seven to the Dwarves, for they liked dancing like idoits until one wanted to shoot themselves.

And Nine were given to the race of Men, because they liked shiny things, and protested outside of Mount Doom.

Sauron then created a special record, planning on giving it to his beloved. But then, she died from a random heartattack and he gave the record to himself. Into it, he burned his cruelty, evilness, and will to dance in a tangerine Speedo. One Song to rule them all.

Well, everyone got so sick of him playing the damn thing everyday, so they decided to have a bake sale. With the money from the bake sale, they decided to buy some weapons, so they could threaten the 'Dance' Lord with them. A bunch of sober Elves and Men marched to Mordor, to fight for the right... to party. And the Freedom of Middle Earth, too.

The battle was going pretty good, until a horrid noise was heard throughout the lands.

_I'm a Barbie Girl_

_In a Barbie World_

_I'm made of plastic_

_It's fantasic!_

Shrieks of fear could be heard all around as Sauron, the Dance Lord of Middle Earth stepped onto the battlefield in a tangerine Speedo. In one hand, he held a record player. In the other, was a long sword. He laughed evilly and moved the needle onto the record.

_You can brush my hair_

_Undress me anywhere_

_Imagination_

_Life is your creation!_

It was at that moment that Elendil, the King, was killed. Furious, Isilidur, his sonnie-kins, picked up his father's guitar and sliced off Sauron's hand. Sauron, the Dance Lord of Middle Earth, was defeated.

Isilidur had this one chance to destroy evil forever, but the hearts of Men are easily corrupted, and he kept the Song.

After a while, the people told him to 'sod off' and 'take that bloody Song with you'. Isilidur had grown stupid within the years of listening to the Song, and thought this was a great idea, so he packed up his Barbie dolls, and he and the Song left for a while.

What he didn't know was that a bunch of Orcs were waiting for his arrival. One of them was holding a large bundle of cash.

Soon enough, he met up with them, and they told him they wanted to take a picture of him next to the river. Isilidur happily agreed.

"Just move a little further back, we can't quite see your 'I Love Barbie' sweatshirt..." they said, and he eventually fell into the river. He was soon dead, just like his old man.

The Song sat at the bottom of the river for... um... err....a long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long long....

_Smack!_

Ow... about twenty five hundred years. Then...one day...suddenly...ooo... suspense, huh? Well, anywho, it was found by two... uhm... freaks.

"Whoa! Duuude!" Deagol said. "I found a.... ah.... er......" Long pause. "A CD! Whoa..."

"Sweeet!" Smeagol said, walking over to his friend. "Heh heh... duuuude... that's a....heehee...a record."

"Whoa! Duuude! It IS a record! Heh heh heh! Whoa..."

"Heh heh.. yeeeeaaah. Like, duuude...what's on it?"

Deagol spun the record around in his hand. "Duuude... I...I..." Long pause. "I dunno...whoa..."

"Heh heh... sweeet....lemme see it...heehee..."

"Duude....like...how do you say it? That 'Nn' word..." He thought for a while. "Uhhh..." Long pause. "Urmmm..." Another long pause. "Uhhhh... nnnnnnnnnunnnunn...."

"No?" Smeagol suggested.

"Yeah.... No. That's the one... heh heh heh..."

"Heh heh heh... no. Heh heh...." Long pause. "No? Duude, why not?"

"Duude..." Deagol replied. "It's like, mine and stuff. I like, found it and whatever."

"Duude, are you like, umm, blind or something like that? It's like, heh heh, my, like, um, birthday, and stuff..."

"Whoa... that's right. Here," he fumbled in his pockets. "Have twenty bucks..."

"Ummm, nuuunuuuu.... er, no. No, heh heh, there's that 'Nn' word again... heh heh. Um. No."

"Duude, look. If ya want it that, like, um..." Long pause.

"Bad?"

"Right, bad. If ya want it like, that bad and stuff, you'll like, um, have to like, kill me or something. Heh heh. Like you'd like kill me or something...heh heh..."

"Okay then, I guess I like, will or something..."

"Whoa...Duude, don't like, kill me or something. I'll like, buy you a different reco-"

And thus, Smeagol did the world a favor and ridded it of an idiot.

But sadly, Smeagol was 'like, thrown out or something' and resided to the Misty Mountains with some guy named Glork as a roommate. Glork decided to call Smeagol 'Gollum' because he made this funky noise in his throat. After a while, Gollum got so annoying that Glork tried to get him to fall into the river, using the 'I can't quite see all of your 'I Love Barbie' sweater' trick, but Gollum whacked him in the head with a Ken doll and ate his brains out. No, I'm joking. He pushed Glork off a cliff.

Like five hundred years later or something, the Song said, (or rather thought) "Screw Gollum" and happily danced off looking for someone else to enslave. Unfortunatly, the only person it could find was Bilbo Baggins, a Hobbit. Bilbo said, "Ooo! Groovy!" and stuffed the Song in his random bag that suddenly appeared. Henceforth beginning:

**The Lord of the Song**

**The Fellowship and All That Jazz**


End file.
